Posts Tagged ‘women’

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The friend zone, rejection and where we all went wrong

November 9, 2012

I’ve been meaning for the longest time to make another post about this. Since the last time I’ve talked about this I’ve gained a much different perspective on how to deal with the death trap known as the friend zone. But before I start to blab off I have to make a few disclaimers

  • I’ve never really been in a real relationship and much of this advice I probably need to start using myself.
  • This post is not going to teach you how to escape the friend zone, you and I both know that’s impossible.

So, now that we have this understood, let’s proceed.

The first question we normally all ask is simple, “How do i get out of the friend zone?” And with this question, we’re already starting off on the wrong foot and are destined for failure. Once you’ve reached the point that you find yourself answering this question then it’s already too late, because to get out of the friend zone means that you’re already in it, which also means you’re trapped there for pretty much an eternity.

The problem for most of us is that we approach the friend zone with a reactive instead of proactive attitude. Instead of figuring out how to get out you need to find ways to prevent and maneuver around it before it even happens. To accomplish this, you have to stay in active pursuit of what you want.

After you meet somebody and they pass all of the basic tests. you know, they’re not mentally unstable, they have some basic level of intelligence, sense of humor etc then you need to decide what it is you want from that person and act accordingly.

If you want to reach a destination in a timely manner then at some point you have to start driving forward, many of just sit kind of sit around stuck in park, waiting for a divine intervention to occur. If you know this person is someone that you really want then you’re going to have to put some work in for it.

And for my male counterparts, we’re gonna have to start approaching these situations a little different than before, I mean, you really have no choice because obviously what we’ve been doing isn’t working or none of us would be having this problem and you wouldn’t even be reading this blog right now. If you’re genuinely a nice guy, what I’m about to say is probably not going to be the easiest thing in the world to do, but we have to stop being “such good friends”. You’ve heard that phrase before right? She told you that you were “such a good friend”, and where did that land you? Right in the four wall enclosed walls of the friend zone, it happened so fast that you didn’t even know what was going on.

Now I’m not suggesting that you morph into a decepticon and transform into an asshole, but certain habits are going to have to be slightly adjusted. I’m 100% sure, that at one point before you got friend zoned you did at least one of the following things.

  • Talked to her extensively about all of her relationship/guy problems
  • Answered her every call with no hesitation
  • Had hours of conversation with her, but little to none of the conversation really had anything to do with you
  • Became her personal guidance counselor for her every need and issue

I have and still do some of these things listed until it hit me, the little voice in the back of my head grew some bass in his voice and told me very bluntly, “you don’t have time for that shit.” The thing is, while my intentions were good, it was counter productive to what I was trying to accomplish, I’m not a guidance counselor, I’m not a psychologist, I can’t solve every problem in the world and until I get paid to do such then I’m not engaging in any of those shenanigans. The more you start having these absurdly long conversations about all of her problems/relationship issues the closer you drift to being a friend, not a boyfriend, just a friend. All of that time you put into those conversations could have been used to flirt, have real conversations (You know, ones that are actually about you and her, not her and other guys) and make moves so you can get closer to your goal. To briefly summarize all of what I’m trying to say, once you know what you want, you go for it, and if that person doesn’t seem to be on the same page or things aren’t headed in the direction that you desire then abort the mission and find someone else. There’s no need to further waste your time and theirs on something that isn’t going to work. Don’t sit and wait around for this to happen, you’ve probably been told you’re just a friend enough times to know the signs of when it’s about to happen. When those red flags start going off then exit stage left and move onward to someone else. Always remember, PROactive not REactive.

Lastly, before I finish blabbing off, I have to address one last thing, rejection. We have to understand, that rejection is just a part of life it’s going to happen sooner or later and most likely repeatedly. You’ll never successfully have a chance to be in a relationship with every person you desire, it’s just not realistic. If you pursue a person and they shut you down, for whatever reason, you just have to get over it. Don’t waste time over analyzing the situation, it’s simple, they just didn’t like you. It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, or that you’re a bad person, or that they’re a bad person it just simply mean you two probably weren’t meant for each other. It’s not the end of the world, just move on and find someone else who is worth your time.

So, um, yeah, guess that’s all I wanted to say, didn’t think this post would be this long. As a reward for reading this you get free virtual pizza

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Peace, love and fruit loops, hope you enjoyed the read, if not, I hope your shower water turns cold the next time you try and clean yourself. Until next time, have a good one, peace.

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Terrorist, lying and light sabers

November 20, 2010

If you’ve ever argued with a member of the female species, then my Minilaptop statistics indicate that there is a 120% chance that you were unanimously defeated in the debate. After living under my mothers roof I’ve realized the two basic principles to remember when arguing with a woman.

1. If you’re right, you’re wrong.

2.If you’re wrong, you’re dead wrong and you probably shouldn’t even utter one single syllable.

Though these two basic principles apply in every male vs female confrontation I have come to my fellow men with a third option. Now this option won’t help you win the argument, in fact, it might not even work at all. But if you’re already arguing with a woman then you’ve already put yourself in a lose lose situation, so this can’t make things any worse, or maybe it well. (Shrugs shoulders)

If you ever find your back against the wall, trading verbal jabs with a female counterpart then your only chance of survival is to abandon all of your human logic and say the most extreme outrageous thing that your peanut sized brain can think of. Now I don’t mean outrageous as in offensive, I mean outrageous as in when she hears the amount of vocal garbage that is spewing from your throat, she won’t even know how to respond to it. The goal is to say something so off the wall, so out of this universe, that she has to literally stop and figure out what in the hell you’re actually talking about.

EXAMPLE:

Sarah is going through Joe’s cell phone and happens to stumble across nude photos of a woman she suspects Joe is secretly fornicating with.

Sarah: Joe, what the hell is this? I knew you were cheating on me, how could you?

Joe: Babe, it’s not what it looks like.

Sarah: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE?  WHY ARE THESE PICTURES EVEN ON YOUR PHONE YOU BASTARD? YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A LIAR!

Joe: ALRIGHT, YEAH I CHEATED! SO WHAT? IF I HADN’T HAVE CHEATED THE TERRORIST WOULD HAVE WON, YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN?!

Now lets stop. Sarah is probably asking herself the following the questions:

1. Is this guy crazy?

2. Who in the hell are the terrorist?

3. What is he even talking about?

In these seconds of mental confusion Joe needs to grab his keys and immediately leave the household. Staying one extra second will allow Sarah to regain composure and continue her verbal assault. While Joe is out on his escape route he should probably be thinking of a more believable lie (Preferably one that doesn’t mention terrorist), had he stayed in the argument and thought while on his feet, his first sentence would have immediately got him caught in a lie, at least now he has bought himself some valuable time.

Now this technique doesn’t necessarily only have to be used in infidelity issues, it can easily transfer over to regular simple petty arguments.

EXAMPLE:

Greg has an important job which causes him to work very long hours. These long hours often cause Greg to return home well after the sun has gone down, which causes Greg and Lisa not to be able to spend as much time together as they would like to. While Greg has never shown any signs of foul play, Lisa always questions his faithfulness out of anger in their arguments.

Lisa: You always come home so late and you never spend anytime with me.

Greg: I’m sorry, but you know have bills to pay, if you don’t work you don’t eat. I promise we’ll go out this weekend.

Lisa: You always say this weekend, how come we only go out once a week?

Greg: Please lets not do this now.

Lisa: Why don’t you get your hours changed? Are you seeing somebody else? WHY CAN’T YOU EVER COME HOME AT A REASONABLE TIME?

Greg: YOU KNOW WHY I NEVER COME HOME AT A REASONABLE TIME? BECAUSE ON THE WAY HOME I ALWAYS GET ROBBED BY DARTH VADER’S IMPERIAL ARMY! YOU EVER HAD TO DODGE A DAMN LIGHT SABER LISA?! HUH? HAVE YOU?

At this point, Lisa doesn’t really know what happened and judging by the fact  that many women hate star wars, I’m willing to bet that for at least the next ten minutes Mr. Greg can enjoy some silence as Lisa attempts to figure out a rebuttal.

So remember, the next time you’re in an argument, be spontaneous and say something stupid. While there is no guarantee that the following technique will work, it will at least make your argument entertaining, it might even buy you enough time to come up with a more feasible lie or comeback.  If you do happen to try this or have tried it, drop a comment and let me know how it turned out, as I’m sure the outcome was nothing short of interesting.

Disclaimer: Minilaptop does not encourage lies or infidelity, but I do encourage a creative mind.

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Minilaptop facts of life

September 22, 2010

I’ve compiled a list of simple, but crucial facts of life that I have realized in my 21 years of living.

1. Everyone needs their own personal 80’s rock montage song.

2. Contrary to what you’ve been told, there are such things as stupid questions.

3. The first person to ever milk a cow was either very curious or a serious pervert. (But either way I appreciate their discovery.)

4. You know the answers to most of your life’s problems, it’s just a matter of you finding/accepting the truth and getting over the obstacle.

5. If you’ve been placed in the friend zone there is a 99.9% chance that you will never escape from it.

6. Mario is greatest video game character ever made in the history of life.

7. Aliens do exist, and we all at least know one.

8. Money doesn’t change you, it only brings out who you really are.

9. Chuck Norris could have easily fixed the BP oil spill.

10. Smacking a man is more demoralizing than punching him.

11. The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

12. Intelligence is the sexiest trait a woman could ever have.

13. There are four things that can unify large groups of people, regardless of political/religion/moral beliefs: Music, food, sports & tragedy.

14. Laughter really is good medicine for the soul.

15. If you are over six feet tall, then you are doing me and my fellow vertically challenged people a disservice.

16. Aquaman is the worst super hero ever created.

17. In five years the majority of major label record companies will be extinct.

18. We all like to feel appreciated.

19. I will have abs one day.

20. It’s past 3 o clock in the morning and I should really be getting some shut eye.

21. If you read this blog then you’re pretty awesome.

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Fellas, we gotta cut this nonsense out

August 30, 2010

Before I start the following blog I would like to give a quick shout out to my friend Robb, who insisted that I give him an honorable mention. So here you are Robb, you have just been given five seconds of fame. Now lets get down to business.

I’m not even going to set a scenario or do a long drawn out introduction, I’ll just get straight to the point. If you are of my age (21) or older, you should not I repeat you should not be preying on these young high school females. There are way too many older guys out here that seem to think it’s cool to still play around with these very young females. I mean honestly, what do you and her really have in common? A college junior and a high school freshman are two totally different lives and I don’t want to hear that garbage saying of “age ain’t nothing but a number.” No dummy, in many states by law you having sexual relations with that minor is considered rape, so age aint nothing but a jail sentence. Even if the female is of the age of consent, are you really telling me you’re over 21 and you’re really in love with a 16 year old? You’re worrying about college loans and getting into the real world while she is having heart attacks over wack fashion trends and geometry homework. A lot of us men need to step our game up, get off of these barely seasoned females and try and match yourself with someone in your own age bracket who most likely has real goals, a job, more life experience and is most likely more mature than a 16 year old.

Also to any young female who might be reading this please don’t fall for these lame older guys who can’t pull a female that’s there own age. He knows that you think he is more mature because he’s older, has a job and drives a nice car. Once he gets you in that mental trap it’s game over, he’s been playing the field a lot longer than you have and he knows the rules of the game, most likely all you are to him is instant sex and nothing more. Please don’t fall victim to that dreaded “L” word either, I know so may women who get caught up in that one word so much that they start to lose sight of reality, he doesn’t love you, he loves that he can use you. I’m done blabbing my mouth off now, just had to get that off my chest, you all have a nice day.

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A kind Letter The Ladies

July 27, 2010

Dear Madame,

1st off I would like to say that this letter may not apply to you, but if the shoe fits by all means wear it and once you’re done reading please considering buying new sneakers. Now let us proceed. As a man I’m tired of seeing this mass movement of the slogan “All men are dogs” or “men aint shit”, pretty much any variation of those phrases irks me, but rather than do a woman bashing blog (which I would never do) I would rather educate some ladies as to why some of these men “aint shit”. What you need to understand is that most asshole men arent born, majority of them are created and women play a crucial part in there construction. Many women often fall for the “bad boy” so to speak, usually this fellow is physically attractive and may have many material possessions as well as popularity but what he lacks is the proper attitude and ways on how to treat a lady. If you have ever fell for this type of man then you have started the beginning of the cycle in how asshole men are created. Phase one is when he begins to treat you wrong, he may be insecure, physically/emotionally abusive or just too controlling. At this point you’ve realized that this guy isn’t who you thought he was and that his attitude will definitely cause some serious bumps down the road if he doesn’t change. But rather than just dropping him to the side and moving on, you move to the most dangerous and crucial phase of creating “dogs” and that my dear lady is, the excuses. In phase two the woman for whatever reason that I will never figure out, begins to make excuses for the mans actions and make a habit of putting up with his behavior. At this point the man has probably cheated and mistreated you an infinite number of times but somehow you find ways to rationalize his behavior and even in some cases make excuses for it and this my dear lady is why some men will continue to be assholes. Once the man has had repeated offenses of doing all of the wrong things and you STILL decide to keep him around, you are now enabling and to some extent encouraging his behavior, he knows this and he also knows whatever he does you will always give him an extra chance. Even worse, other men have taken notice to his behavior and they figure if he can do it then hell I should be able to, to. To their credit, many of these men are right, they become dogs because they know that they can get away with it and the more you give these men the time of day the more assholes you will create. Believe me, if ladies didnt really like bad boys, none of them would exist. If tomorrow every woman decided that being a nerd was the sexiest thing ever, every man would trade in his Wilson basketball for a Ti-83 calculator and coke bottle framed glasses. Now I cant tell anyone who or what type of person they should be attracted to but to me the solution to this problem is pretty simple, STOP dating these “aint shit” men and they will slowly but surely begin to fade. To paraphrase a line from a song I heard, “Just ignore the dummy and the dummy will fall.”  So please, for your sake and mine make better decisions when deciding which type of men you let become your significant other. That decision could save you alot of heart ache, it also can save my eyes from having to read redundant men bashing facebook statuses.

Sincerely yours,

Minilaptop

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A Kind letter to my fellow men

July 12, 2010

Dear Sir,

Your shenanigans have lasted long enough, usually I’m not the type to poke my nose where it doesn’t belong but your irrational behavior is indirectly making life just a tad bit harder for me. When that kind lady let you down easy with a rejection you didn’t take it as a reality check that maybe she’s just not interested in you. Instead, you somehow start to think that maybe you aren’t working hard enough and in turn, you begin to harass and hound this woman, thus the cycle of nonsense begins. Since you can’t seem to understand the simple concept of “no means no” you play a part in transforming this lady into a slightly snobbish creature. So when I approach her with good intentions I’m given the stink eye because when she see’s me she remembers you out of control antics. Secondly sir, I shall kindly ask that you stop helping in the creation of the fastest growing gang in the world, “The bitter baby mama squadron.” I know the condom was probably on the dresser drawer but you had to go captain raw dog and use zero protection. Not only did you not dive in without a rubber glove, but nine months later when little junior pops out you decide it’s cool to skip town and disown a child that you helped create in the 30 minute thrust session. So thanks to you and many like you all of a sudden the chants of “men aint shit”, are echoed throughout the world which isn’t helping anybody, including me. In conclusion all I ask Is that you be more responsible for your actions, when you abide by the rules of the game, it makes it a little more fun for everybody to play.

Sincerely,

Minilaptop

P.S.

A kind letter to the ladies will be on the way.