Posts Tagged ‘rejection’

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The friend zone, rejection and where we all went wrong

November 9, 2012

I’ve been meaning for the longest time to make another post about this. Since the last time I’ve talked about this I’ve gained a much different perspective on how to deal with the death trap known as the friend zone. But before I start to blab off I have to make a few disclaimers

  • I’ve never really been in a real relationship and much of this advice I probably need to start using myself.
  • This post is not going to teach you how to escape the friend zone, you and I both know that’s impossible.

So, now that we have this understood, let’s proceed.

The first question we normally all ask is simple, “How do i get out of the friend zone?” And with this question, we’re already starting off on the wrong foot and are destined for failure. Once you’ve reached the point that you find yourself answering this question then it’s already too late, because to get out of the friend zone means that you’re already in it, which also means you’re trapped there for pretty much an eternity.

The problem for most of us is that we approach the friend zone with a reactive instead of proactive attitude. Instead of figuring out how to get out you need to find ways to prevent and maneuver around it before it even happens. To accomplish this, you have to stay in active pursuit of what you want.

After you meet somebody and they pass all of the basic tests. you know, they’re not mentally unstable, they have some basic level of intelligence, sense of humor etc then you need to decide what it is you want from that person and act accordingly.

If you want to reach a destination in a timely manner then at some point you have to start driving forward, many of just sit kind of sit around stuck in park, waiting for a divine intervention to occur. If you know this person is someone that you really want then you’re going to have to put some work in for it.

And for my male counterparts, we’re gonna have to start approaching these situations a little different than before, I mean, you really have no choice because obviously what we’ve been doing isn’t working or none of us would be having this problem and you wouldn’t even be reading this blog right now. If you’re genuinely a nice guy, what I’m about to say is probably not going to be the easiest thing in the world to do, but we have to stop being “such good friends”. You’ve heard that phrase before right? She told you that you were “such a good friend”, and where did that land you? Right in the four wall enclosed walls of the friend zone, it happened so fast that you didn’t even know what was going on.

Now I’m not suggesting that you morph into a decepticon and transform into an asshole, but certain habits are going to have to be slightly adjusted. I’m 100% sure, that at one point before you got friend zoned you did at least one of the following things.

  • Talked to her extensively about all of her relationship/guy problems
  • Answered her every call with no hesitation
  • Had hours of conversation with her, but little to none of the conversation really had anything to do with you
  • Became her personal guidance counselor for her every need and issue

I have and still do some of these things listed until it hit me, the little voice in the back of my head grew some bass in his voice and told me very bluntly, “you don’t have time for that shit.” The thing is, while my intentions were good, it was counter productive to what I was trying to accomplish, I’m not a guidance counselor, I’m not a psychologist, I can’t solve every problem in the world and until I get paid to do such then I’m not engaging in any of those shenanigans. The more you start having these absurdly long conversations about all of her problems/relationship issues the closer you drift to being a friend, not a boyfriend, just a friend. All of that time you put into those conversations could have been used to flirt, have real conversations (You know, ones that are actually about you and her, not her and other guys) and make moves so you can get closer to your goal. To briefly summarize all of what I’m trying to say, once you know what you want, you go for it, and if that person doesn’t seem to be on the same page or things aren’t headed in the direction that you desire then abort the mission and find someone else. There’s no need to further waste your time and theirs on something that isn’t going to work. Don’t sit and wait around for this to happen, you’ve probably been told you’re just a friend enough times to know the signs of when it’s about to happen. When those red flags start going off then exit stage left and move onward to someone else. Always remember, PROactive not REactive.

Lastly, before I finish blabbing off, I have to address one last thing, rejection. We have to understand, that rejection is just a part of life it’s going to happen sooner or later and most likely repeatedly. You’ll never successfully have a chance to be in a relationship with every person you desire, it’s just not realistic. If you pursue a person and they shut you down, for whatever reason, you just have to get over it. Don’t waste time over analyzing the situation, it’s simple, they just didn’t like you. It doesn’t mean you’re not attractive, or that you’re a bad person, or that they’re a bad person it just simply mean you two probably weren’t meant for each other. It’s not the end of the world, just move on and find someone else who is worth your time.

So, um, yeah, guess that’s all I wanted to say, didn’t think this post would be this long. As a reward for reading this you get free virtual pizza

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Peace, love and fruit loops, hope you enjoyed the read, if not, I hope your shower water turns cold the next time you try and clean yourself. Until next time, have a good one, peace.