Posts Tagged ‘film’


Squirrel Wars

November 10, 2012

In my good ol college days I took a writing for electronic media class. My final project ended up being a 30 page script for an animated film called Squirrel Wars. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone who animates so the story stayed on paper and never made it to a screen. But I enjoyed writing it so much that I decided to stretch it out into a full length screenplay. If you decide to read it, or skim through it (but you should read it, because for every line you read a small penguin in Antarctica will be saved) then I hope you enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed creating it. I’m hoping to get some honest feedback, I’ll post the synopsis and link to the full script below. If you decide to read the full script the PDF download link is on the right side.  Remember, read a line, save a penguin.


SYNOPSIS: Kung Fu squirrel enthusiast Buzz and his brother Roy live peacefully on the edge of the forest, next to the main populated area known as Squirrel Town. One day, after they awaken from a forest adventure, Squirrel Town is threatened by a group of raccoons, who plan to invade and take over their territory. To protect their home, Buzz and Roy become part of the Squirrel Town army and go to battle with the Raccoons. Along the way, Buzz unlocks his hidden potential, through the use of Kung Fu, and sheer determination.




Minilaptop’s alternate movie endings

October 18, 2010

We’ve all done it before. You’re sitting down with that family sized bag of cool ranch doritos while watching a movie of your choice, then you begin to think.

“Man if that was me that never would have happened, these movie people are so stupid.”

Well my friends I also participate in this activity, while I don’t necessarily label the characters in the movie as “stupid” (With the exception of people in horror movies), I can’t help but imagine that if I was in some of my favorite movies, the story lines and endings would probably have to be somewhat altered. So I’ve gone through the trouble of compiling a list of three movies that may have went a little different if I had been one of the main stars.

Disclaimer: It’s been awhile since I’ve seen any of the movies that I’ve listed, so forgive me if my summaries are a bit off.

1. The Matrix

"You think that's air you're breathing?"- Morpheous

Hollywood Version: Basically the main character Neo, is a computer programmer by day and computer hacker by night. He has many questions about the world that he lives in, but he doesn’t have many clues as to where to start to get his answers. Then out of the blue he is contacted by Trinity, who then introduces him to Morpheous, the man who brings Neo closer to the truth by exposing him to how his world is really controlled by cyber intelligence and is filled with those dreadful agents. In the end Neo realizes that he is “the one” and takes down all the agents and the for now the world is safe, blah blah blah the hero wins.

Minilaptop’s alternate version:  My knowledge of computers is pretty much non existent so there is no possible way that I could be a computer programmer, yet alone a hacker. So I imagine Trinity would probably have gotten in contact with me by sending me a friend request on facebook. Upon seeing that her and I have no mutual friends, I would at first have been skeptical, but based alone on that fact that she is a female I would have accepted her. Upon accepting her she would then post strange message on my wall about following that retarded white rabbit, which would probably cause many arguments because I’m not a huge fan of most things that have more than two legs. Eventually in some strange way I would realize that the white rabbit that I was to follow wouldn’t physically be an animal, but just a mere tattoo that looks like it came from a cereal box.

Later on I would be introduced to the man of the hour, Morpheous. This is the moment of truth, the moment when Morpheous offers me the red pill or the blue pill.

The red pill takes me deep into the depths of the matrix and the blue pill lets me go back to my regularly scheduled life. Under mental peer pressure and curiousness, I would swallow the red pill that almost resembles a jelly bean. But after being exposed to murderous agents, random shoot outs and a war that i’m not mentally prepared for, I would try frantically to explain to Morpheous that he should definitely hand over that blue pill and let me return to my normal world of facebook and family guy. During our conversation the infamous Agent Smith would probably appear and on this note the film would be near its closing. Agent Smith would probably dish out the most epic beat down that I’ve ever received in my 21 years of living and after a wave of deadly punches and kicks I would be forced to wave the white flag in defeat. After my death the agents would eventually rule the world and I would be remembered as the guy who miserably failed in the war against the agents. So much for the hero ending, life can’t always be sweet.

2. Child’s Play

Hollywood Version: So this psycho killer dude who probably didn’t get enough hugs as a child ends up getting shot in a toy warehouse of all places. Right before he officially kicks the bucket he recites some evil chant that reincarnates his soul and he ends up possessing one of the toys in the warehouse. This toy is a doll who is known as Chucky. Later on, a mother ironically purchases this doll for her son as a birthday present and as you can imagine, killer doll+innocent child=lots of crazy things happening. Chucky’s ultimate goal is to transfer his soul back into a human and that human just happens to be the little child named Andy.

Minilaptop’s alternate version: Now even though young Andy did ask for the doll for his birthday, I for one would be highly offended if my mom bought me a doll instead of a new G.I. Joe action figure when I was a toddler, so Chucky would most likely find himself buried at the bottom of my toy box. Upon exiting my toy box I can imagine Chucky would be a little pissed at me for not at least having the courtesy to place him at the top of the pile. I then would have to inform him that he is not as nearly as important as my Hot wheels cars, my super hero action figures or my Ronin Warriors collection and I would hope that he wouldn’t take it personal.

As I can imagine I would start to grow suspicious of Chucky, as ever since he arrived, numerous people have been attacked and/or killed. Our friendship would probably quickly sour because if my mom finds out i’m out doing evil deeds with a killer doll she surely won’t let me wake up early Saturday morning to watch my favorite cartoons anymore (Doug, Rugrats, Beast Wars) and that is unacceptable. No longer trusting me, Chucky would probably make some attempts to take my life and this is where I show Chucky that he’s not the only evil little thing that can terrorize people. As a kid I had quite the temper, so killer doll or not, Chucky would have to prepare for war, a war that would be nearly impossible for him to win. Chucky may have the soul of satan, but he is no superman. He can’t fly, he doesn’t have super strength or speed, he’s barely two feet doll and lets not forget that he is a DOLL! You know what my plastic sword and shield could do to a DOLL? It would be absolute slaughter. So Chucky has the sharpest knife in the kitchen, and? At age 5 I studied Link from Zelda endlessly, I know every sword move that ever existed. Chucky and I would engage in a five round blade fighting/plastic sword contest that ends with Chucky being nearly crippled after repeated hits to the limbs and forehead.  As the credits roll we’ll see Chucky walking off into the darkness, defeated and looking for another family to terrorize. As for me, I’ll be having a nice conversation with my mom about why she shouldn’t buy me anymore dolls for my birthday.

3. Final Destination

Hollywood version: Student Alex Browning and his classmates are bound for a trip to Paris. Just minutes before the plane is set to take off Alex has a vivid premonition of the plane exploding. Very much frightened, Alex begins to panic and causes quite a scene which ends up getting Alex, along with several of his classmates kicked off of the plane. Upon returning to the airport terminal, Alex and his classmates watch as flight 180 explodes into the sky.


But this isn’t the end of the commotion, after the explosion Alex’s friends mysteriously start to die one by one and they must find a way to cheat death in order to survive.

Minilaptop’s alternate version: So i’m sitting on a plane and all of a sudden I have vision of my plane going up in hellfire. Like Alex, I instantly flee from that plane, probably running with Usain Bolt like speed back to the parking lot with hopes that my friends would follow behind. After witnessing the plane explode I would return home and probably stay in solitary confinement for a few hours and shortly after wards I would receive the first phone call of one of my friends mysterious deaths.

Knowing the group of misfits that I associate with, I can imagine our deaths wouldn’t be as bloody as much as they would be creative. One of us would probably die from electric shock, after spilling a soda bottle all over studio recording equipment. A trip to the food court in the mall would turn deadly as one of us would abruptly choke on a chicken tender and roll over to an unsuspected death. After two deaths I would officially label my friends as jinx’s and slowly but surely I’d ease away from hanging around them. One of the themes of this movie is trying to cheat death but me being the logical person that I am, So I would come to the inevitable conclusion that this can’t be done. You can cheat on your spouse, you can cheat on your taxes, you can cheat in video games, but as far as death, when it’s your time to go you might as well get ready to fly with the angels. I would be trapped in quite a paranoid lifestyle as my friends drop off one by one. As the end draws near I would be the last surviving person who would probably die in a way I wasn’t prepared for. While I would be on the look out for all sharp objects and things that could possibly fall on top of my head, my death would come at one of my favorite things in the world, cereal.

It gets no better

Upon anxiously opening a box of cinnamon toast crunch I would rip open the bag a bit too hard, sending flying pieces of cinnamon squares everywhere. A large cluster of cinnamon squares would probably awkwardly land in the food disposable at the bottom of the sink. The next time I go to turn on the disposal it would begin to malfunction and as I reach to cut it off, a left over piece of silverware that I accidentally left in the disposal would do a full flip into the air and stab me right in the middle of my forehead. The piercing pain would send me falling back, crashing into the kitchen table, knocking the box of cereal to the kitchen floor. There I would lay dead, Surrounded by blood and a pattern of Cinnamon toast crunch that ironically outlines my body.

After making this list I’ll make sure the last thing I become is an actor, I seem to picture myself dying a little too much. Feel free to add your own alternate endings to any movies that you feel would be different if you starred in them.


Curse you 3D movies

September 17, 2010

I hate 3D movies, I really do, like I really hate 3D movies, I just can’t really emphasize that point enough.

While some movies look very impressive In 3D (Avatar) not every single movie needs to be put out in 3D format because not all of them are visually built for it. Avatar was the perfect movie to release in 3D, being that the film was already visually amazing it only made sense to release it in 3D to enhance what was already such a beautiful piece of eye candy to look at. But it seems after the release of Avatar almost every single movie wants to dive into the three dimensional realm and it’s getting quite annoying.

The majority of these movies have absolutely NO reason to be released in anything other than standard format. When I saw the trailer for Step Up 3D (A dance film for those who don’t know.) I almost shot my television. Really? Step up 3D? How can 3D possibly make a dance movie any better? So if one of the dancers just happens to do the robot or the running man will his foot come out of the screen and kick me in my face? If the dancer does a flip will he fly right out of the projection screen and into the actual theater? It’s bad enough that I already wear glasses so now when I watch a movie in 3D I have to wear glasses on top of glasses just so I can see what’s going on, which for those of you who don’t have the displeasure of having to wear glasses is highly uncomfortable. I recently went and saw the latest Resident Evil movie in IMAX 3D (I really wanted to go see Machete but I wasn’t the one paying for the tickets so I was over ruled) and the glasses they gave me fit like a NFL face mask. As I was watching the movie through these supremely dork 3D glasses I couldn’t help but wonder what was the purpose of this movie even being in 3D? Honestly throughout the whole film there was only one scene where 3D was necessary and that was only because one blood molecule about the size of a Cheerio splatted on the glasses. (And maybe it was just my eyes but every 3D pistol in Resident Evil looked like it was directly in my face.) Personally, I think this whole 3D craze is just a fad. It’s just another thing to get consumers to spend more money than they actually need to, just so they can watch a movie that had no business being in 3D in the first place.

What are your thoughts? Do you enjoy wearing the super sized 3D glasses or are you just as tired as this 3D crap as I am?