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Plans of an evil genius

October 26, 2010

With my potential I feel at the ever so young age of 21 that I should have conquered the world by now. You see I’m very much like my Dallas Cowboys in a way. I have all of the tools needed to compete with the best of them, on paper my attributes give the impression that I’m the cream of the crop. But with somewhat of what could be described as lackluster disciplined habits and execution, I don’t always perform to the best of my abilities.

I believe that the main cause of my own downfall is not being goal oriented enough, somewhere between my teenage and adult years I’ve seemed to have  lost some of the drive and passion that I once possessed. That drive gave me the energy to write and create innovative concepts every day. That passion made me believe that one day I could actually rule the world and every single organism on and near the planet earth would know who Minilaptop was.

Now equipped with a new mindset, I’ve realized the four goals that I need complete before I’m able to obtain world domination.

1. Get a vehicle suitable for world conquering

After being undisputed king of the bus stop for years I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s difficult to rule the world while riding public transportation and depending on others for rides. Technically I have already completed this goal, as I have a car, but it has yet to be delivered to my house yet. Currently according to my pops, it is being inspected and if it just so happens to pass inspection, I”ll be able to be another one of Maryland’s horrible drivers who enjoys terrorizing the roads.

It's not about the looks, it's about the driver

That good ole Geo Prizm is my world domination car, yes I am well aware that this car is what we would call a bucket. But it will be my special bucket and together we will accomplish some beautiful things.

2. Get some abs

Ever since I was introduced to Raviolli and Ramen noodles (aka oodles and noodles) as a kid I’ve always kept some extra flab around the belly area. I figured if I’m going to be on top of the world then I might as well look good doing it. It’s not that I think I’m ugly, but my physique definitely has room for improvement. While I’ve made some significant strides in losing weight within the last few years it seems now I keep repeating this pattern of losing weight and then gaining it back again, due to some inconsistent workout practices.

After some long term planning I’ve given myself two options on how I’m going to obtain abs of steel:

1. Minilaptop’s school of Jiu Jitsu- As a life long fan of combat sports I’ve always admired the level of physical shape you have to be in to compete in such sports such as Boxing, Kick boxing and MMA (Mixed Martial Arts)

Jon Jones is a bad man

After Observing the underworld known as my basement, I know for a fact that if my mom can finally clean out the trillions of bags full of miscellaneous papers that lie on the floor taking up valuable space that I would have enough room to turn that waste haven into a home gym. Once I fill it with my desired workout equipment I shall call it Minilaptop’s School Of Jiu Jitsu.

Now in this gym you won’t really learn Jiu Jitsu, or any other fighting style for that matter. The gym will only serve as a way to get you into good enough physical shape so that you look as if you know some type of fighting style. It’s kind of like wearing superhero costume for Halloween. You’ll look like superman, but you won’t really be able to fly any where or do anything really special.

2. Get a gym membership: Financially this option would save me tons of money as Minilaptop’s School Of Jiu Jitsu would drain my wallet after buying all of the required equipment. I found a gym that has a wonderful cheap fee of ten dollars per month (All gyms should be like this). While it’s not the best gym in the world and probably wouldn’t be as fun as my Jiu Jitsu school, it still has all of the basic equipment needed to increase my cardio and get me going in the right direction.

3. Get a new laptop

Ever since I accidentally murdered my Minilaptop some months ago by spilling milk on it I’ve been forced to use this inferior dell home computer. My laptop was the main device where all of my evil genius ideas came to life. I would sit in the privacy of my room and write screenplays, poems and all types of other random concepts that popped inside my head. The screenplay was my main focus, right before I killed my laptop I wrote about 64 pages of greatness but now that creation just sits hopelessly inside my external hard drive collecting dust. Now I know you’re probably thinking that I should just write everything on my home computer, while in theory that sounds reasonable, once I actually try it, it just doesn’t work out. Writing in my own room and writing in my living room are two different ball games. While in my room I don’t have to dodge my two little brothers and their hot wheels cars while I attempt to hear myself think as I write.  So once black Friday sales start to kick in I plan on buying one of those HP beats laptops which have the perfect audio quality that will give me repeated eargasms as I write. Sadly,  if I get that laptop I won’t technically be Mr. Minilaptop anymore, but in honor of my Minilaptop I will never drop the moniker.

It's destiny, you shall be mine

4. Get back in school

Can’t establish or run a kingdom if you only have half of a brain right?

I got a seasonal job this summer (And they haven’t been giving good hours lately :() with the soul purpose of saving up enough funds so I can attend a recording institute starting in 2011. Aside from writing, my other passion is music and I have high hopes to sharpen my skills and hopefully become an audio engineer one day. So I’ll get to be the guy who makes all of the vocals sound sexy and add all of the extra effects needed so that every song you hear gives your ear some audio satisfaction. Later in the road of life  I also plan on releasing some instrumental CD’s, but for now I won’t get too ahead of myself, Can’t walk without crawling first.

So there you have it, once all of these goals comes to pass the world shall be mine. I recommend that you also write down your goals, as it will give you something to strive for every day. Just don’t let your ultimate goal be world domination, or you may have to cross paths with the almighty Minilaptop and that could be bad for you. *Insert evil genius laugh*

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9 comments

  1. maybe i can run a cake and cookie stall to help ya out??? hehe 🙂
    hug thanks for the supportive message…


    • The whole world benefits from Cake, especially lemon cake 🙂 No prob with the support, blog buddies for life 🙂


  2. This is hilarious! I love your writing style 🙂


    • Thank ya very much 🙂 kudos to you for being able to blog about retail, I had one retail job and I wanted to fight the whole world. You’re a real trooper. *Tilts hat*


  3. I think I could conquer the world with my little car, but it would need an upgrade of a radio to do it though. And I’d like to go back to school too, but I would not like to be in any more debt though.


    • I just bought a tapedeck ipod converter to solve my radio situation. I’m trying not to think about the debt I’ll be in :(, It’s a private school and not a four institution so my wallet won’t get raped as bad as it could be.


  4. […] you read my recent blog I outlined what my plans of world domination were. Well folks, sadly to say my plans have been nothing short of a failure so far. I achieved the […]


  5. Oh, LOL, dude. I started reading this on my cell phone (where I can’t see videos) and the first thing that popped into my head was “OMG Stewie Griffin!” and then I opened your blog on a browser and it looks like someone’s a Family Guy fan. LOL.

    So what kind of screenplay do you write?


    • Me and stewie have the same life goals, i’m not trying to kill my mom though lol. I was writing a screenplay for a childrens movie. I’m about 63 pages in, trying to get somewhere between 85-90, got a couple of other screenplay ideas floating around in my head to but I haven’t started on them yet. Hoping that after thanksgiving I’ll have my new laptop, this dell just gets me angry lol.



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